I have locked my keys in my car five times in the last ten months.
Five.
At this point I feel like the roadside assistance people and I should exchange Christmas cards.
And every time something like this happens, there’s that immediate moment of, Caley. Come on. How did you do this AGAIN?
Maybe yours isn’t locking the keys in the car. Maybe you’ve walked upstairs and completely forgotten why you’re there. You’ve reheated the same coffee three times and still never drank it. You've put something somewhere “safe” and created a hiding place so effective that even you will never find it again. Or you're halfway through telling your partner something when your brain just… exits the conversation.
We joke about “mom brain” because sometimes laughing is the better option. But I also think a lot of moms quietly worry about it. Why am I so scattered now? Why can't I remember anything? I used to be so on top of things.
So, is mom brain actually real?
Sort of. And, like most things in motherhood, the real answer is much more interesting than “having a baby made you forgetful.”
Feeling scattered doesn’t automatically mean something is wrong with you. Sometimes your brain simply has too many tabs open.
What Is “Mom Brain,” Actually?
“Mom brain” isn't a medical diagnosis. It’s a phrase we’ve collectively adopted for the forgetfulness, brain fog, distractibility and general where did I put my phone while literally holding my phone experience that can happen during pregnancy and motherhood.
There are genuine biological changes happening through pregnancy and postpartum. A large body of emerging neuroscience now describes pregnancy as a period of significant neuroplasticity. A 2024 study published in Nature Neuroscience documented changes in brain structure during late pregnancy and early postpartum, building on earlier research showing that some pregnancy-related brain changes can persist well beyond birth.
That sounds dramatic, but these changes shouldn't automatically be interpreted as your brain becoming “worse.” Researchers are increasingly interested in how the maternal brain adapts to caregiving, attachment and an entirely different set of demands.
And research into actual cognitive performance is mixed. One large prospective study that followed women before and after pregnancy found no broad long-term cognitive deterioration from becoming a mother.
So no, motherhood hasn't suddenly made you less intelligent.
It has, however, given your brain a lot more to do.
Maybe Your Brain Isn't Broken. Maybe It Has 67 Tabs Open.
This is the part of “mom brain” that I think gets missed.
Imagine trying to remember one thing while simultaneously keeping track of whether someone ate lunch, when the next pediatrician appointment is, whether you're nearly out of diapers, who needs clean clothes tomorrow, whether that cough sounds different today, when you last replied to your sister, what you're making for dinner, whether you paid that bill, and why the house suddenly went suspiciously quiet.
Oh, and you're supposed to remember where you put your keys.
Motherhood includes an enormous amount of invisible cognitive work. A recent study looking specifically at the mental load carried by mothers found that mothers experienced the invisible planning and organizing side of family life as particularly stressful. Constantly thinking about unfinished tasks was one of the most commonly reported sources of that burden.
That feels pretty familiar to a lot of moms I know.
I've written before about the pressure mothers feel to constantly be doing more, and I think “mom brain” often lives right alongside that pressure. We're carrying an enormous amount and then getting frustrated with ourselves when our brains occasionally drop something.
Sometimes forgetting the permission slip isn't evidence that you're failing.
Sometimes your mental RAM is just full.
And Then There’s Sleep
I don't need to tell anyone with a newborn that sleep deprivation does weird things to your brain.
You feel it.
There is good research behind that experience too. A meta-analysis of 61 studies on sleep restriction found that insufficient sleep affected several areas of cognition, including sustained attention, executive functioning and long-term memory.
Which makes the expectation that a new mom should sleep in broken stretches, feed and care for a baby around the clock, manage a household and then function exactly as she did before having children feel… ambitious.
Even when your children are older, sleep can still be interrupted. Someone is sick. Someone had a nightmare. Your brain remembered something important at 2:13 a.m. You're lying there mentally organizing tomorrow while everyone else is asleep.
It adds up.
The Flop Usually Isn't the Worst Part. The Shame Spiral After It Is.
Locking my keys in my car is annoying.
What doesn't help is turning it into evidence about who I am as a person.
I'm such a mess.
Why can't I get it together?
Other moms manage this.
That jump happens quickly, especially if you're already someone who puts a lot of pressure on yourself.
And motherhood gives us endless opportunities to compare our behind-the-scenes with everyone else's highlight reel.
Nobody posts:
“Forgot spirit day again 👍”
“Just found the coffee I made at 8 a.m. It's 4:30.”
“Bought everything at Target except the one thing I actually went to Target for.”
But those are very normal days in a lot of houses.
I think we could all use a little more room for the harmless flops. Laugh where we can, fix what needs fixing, and move on without conducting an internal performance review every time our brain drops a ball.
Sometimes “Mom Brain” Is Also Anxiety
There is another side to this that I don't want to brush off with a joke.
If your brain feels constantly busy because you're always scanning, anticipating, checking or worrying, anxiety may be taking up some of your mental bandwidth too.
That can look like remembering everything your child could possibly need while somehow forgetting what you walked into the kitchen for.
For women with a history of trauma, being hyper-aware of what's happening around you may also be very familiar territory. Motherhood can bring those old patterns closer to the surface, which I talk about more in Why Becoming a Mom Can Trigger Childhood Trauma.
The American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists notes that perinatal anxiety and depression can include difficulty concentrating, sleep problems, irritability and persistent worry.
That doesn't mean every forgotten key is a mental health symptom. Please don't leave this blog diagnosing yourself because you lost the TV remote.
It does mean that if the brain fog or forgetfulness is happening alongside significant anxiety, low mood, constant worry, feeling unlike yourself or difficulty functioning day to day, it's worth mentioning to your doctor or therapist.
Sometimes “mom brain” has less to do with being forgetful and more to do with how much your brain is already carrying.
What Can Actually Help With Mom Brain?
I wish I had a glamorous answer here.
Some of it is incredibly boring and incredibly effective: write things down, use the calendar, put the keys in the same place, create reminders and stop expecting your brain to be the household storage unit.
External systems are not cheating.
Neither is sharing the mental load.
If you're the only person who knows when the pediatrician appointment is, what size shoes everyone wears, where the spare wipes are, which birthday party needs a gift and that you're almost out of milk, the solution may not be becoming better at remembering.
Someone else may need to start remembering things too.
It can also help to become curious about the conditions surrounding your biggest “mom brain” moments. Are they happening when you're rushing? After a terrible night of sleep? When you've said yes to too much? When you're anxious? When you haven't had five uninterrupted minutes all day?
That information is much more useful than I need to get it together.
Can Therapy Help With Mom Brain?
I cannot promise therapy will stop you from locking your keys in the car.
Clearly I would have used that intervention on myself by now.
What therapy can help with is everything surrounding the mistake.
The anxiety that keeps your brain running constantly. The perfectionism that turns a forgotten appointment into a character flaw. The trauma response that has you monitoring everyone else's needs before noticing your own. The difficulty asking for help. The resentment that builds when you're carrying more of the invisible work than anybody realizes.
Sometimes women come to therapy thinking they need to become more organized, more patient or more productive. Then we start talking and realize how much they're actually carrying.
That changes the conversation.
If you've also been feeling disconnected from who you were before becoming a mom, you might want to read Discovering Yourself in Motherhood: The Complexities of a New Identity Shift.
When It Might Be Time to Reach Out
Occasionally forgetting things in a busy season of motherhood is incredibly common. If you've noticed a significant or worsening change in your concentration or memory, though—especially alongside anxiety, depression, panic, severe sleep problems or difficulty getting through everyday life, bring it up with a healthcare professional.
You don't have to work out whether it's stress, sleep, anxiety, postpartum changes or something else before asking for support.
That's part of what support is for.
At CBG Counseling, my team and I work with women and moms navigating anxiety, trauma, relationships and the ways those experiences affect how they show up in motherhood.
A lot of our clients look incredibly capable from the outside. They're working, parenting, organizing, remembering, anticipating and keeping things moving.
They're also tired of having 67 tabs open in their heads.
If you've been considering private-pay therapy and wondering whether what you're dealing with is “big enough” to justify reaching out, it doesn't have to become a crisis first.
You can reach out to schedule a consultation with me or someone on the CBG Counseling team. It's simply a chance for us to hear what's been going on, answer your questions and see whether we're a good fit.
And until then, maybe put an AirTag on the keys.
I already have (and my wallet).
