Discovering Yourself in Motherhood: The Complexities of a New Identity Shift
When I became a mom, nobody warned me that the hardest part wouldn’t be the sleepless nights. It would be trying to remember who I was in the midst of it all.
Hi, I’m Caley. I’m a therapist who works with women, especially moms navigating anxiety, trauma, and the overwhelming identity shifts that come with motherhood. And I want to talk about something I see (and have lived) far too often: the experience of losing yourself when you become a mom.
If you’ve ever thought:
“I don’t even know who I am anymore…”
You’re not alone.
The Identity Shift That No One Talks About In Motherhood - a womam holding her son
The Identity Shift That No One Talks About
There’s so much emphasis on preparing for the baby but almost no one prepares you for what happens to you. The woman behind the role.
Motherhood is beautiful, yes. But it’s also disorienting. It’s not just about adding a new role to your life, it’s about navigating a full-on identity transformation.
You might go from:
Feeling competent in your career to second-guessing your every decision.
Having space to breathe, rest, or create… to feeling like every moment belongs to someone else.
Knowing your routines and rhythms to feeling unmoored and invisible in your own life.
Many of my clients describe it as feeling like a shell of themselves like their needs, dreams, and desires have been pushed so far down, they can’t even hear them anymore.
And while this identity shift in motherhood is incredibly common, it doesn’t make it easy.
Why This Feels So Hard: The Mental Load, Expectations, and Loss of Autonomy
According to research from Maternal Mental Health Alliance, nearly 1 in 5 women experience mental health issues during or after pregnancy. But the emotional complexities go beyond postpartum depression or anxiety.
This isn’t just about chemical imbalances. It’s about cultural and emotional pressure.
Mothers today are expected to do it all and do it perfectly.
And somewhere in between the pumping schedules, school forms, sensory activities, and relationship maintenance… you can forget who you were before.
Even the things you once loved can feel far away:
Your friendships may shift or fade.
Your body may feel unfamiliar.
Your purpose may feel blurred.
Your worth may feel conditional on how much you do for everyone else.
Sound familiar? You’re not broken. You’re human. And you deserve support.
The Mental Load, Expectations, and Loss of Autonomy in Motherhood - a woman walking by the ocean with her toddler
Rediscovering Yourself as a Mom and a Whole Person
One of the most powerful things I’ve learned in my personal and professional journey is this: Motherhood doesn’t erase you. It expands you.
But expansion can feel like a rupture at first.
Self-discovery in motherhood doesn’t happen overnight. It’s not about “getting back to the old you.” It’s about getting curious about who you are now.
That process might look like:
Learning to name your needs without guilt.
Exploring what still lights you up outside of your identity as “mom.”
Reconnecting with your body through movement, breath, and presence.
Allowing space to grieve the life you had, while building the one you want.
Finding support - not just to vent, but to heal.
This is why therapy for moms can be so transformative. It’s not about pathologizing you. It’s about making space for you.
CBG Counseling - Modern therapy specializing in EMDR therapy for trauma and anxiety for moms navigating motherhood Virginia, Rhode Island, Florida, South Carolina, or Connecticut
What Help Can Look Like
If you’re reading this with a lump in your throat, I want you to know:
You’re not the only one. And you’re not failing.
The women I work with are strong, capable, and deeply caring. They’re also exhausted, anxious, and trying to hold it all together while quietly wondering if they’ve disappeared in the process.
That’s why I do what I do.
As a therapist, I specialize in helping women:
Process the trauma and anxiety that motherhood can bring up
Explore the layers of identity, grief, and purpose
Build nervous system regulation tools that bring calm into the chaos
Reconnect with themselves - mind, body, and spirit
If you’re in Virginia, Rhode Island, Florida, South Carolina, or Connecticut, I offer online therapy that fits into your real life. No pressure. No judgment. Just a place to exhale and begin again.
Let’s Reclaim Your Sense of Self Together
You are more than the meals, the milestones, and the mental load.
You are still you.
And if you’ve lost sight of that lately, it’s okay. There’s a path back to yourself and it’s paved with compassion, curiosity, and care.
📩 Reach out if you’re ready to feel more like you again. Therapy might be the mirror you’ve been missing and the first step to remembering that your needs, your identity, and your wellness matter, too.
